And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
