Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
