i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
