I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
