I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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