i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize