Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
