Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
