Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dignity is for republicans.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
