remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
