i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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