My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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