just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
