It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
