why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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