I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
