I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
