Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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