Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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