nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
