She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
