i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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