i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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