i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm lost and stupid without you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
