Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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