No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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