So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just invented taco cereal.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
