I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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