I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I need water and some morals
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
