I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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