Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
