U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
