I'm lost and stupid without you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
