Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
