there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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