Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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