M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
