I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
