i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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