i wish my penis had a tongue
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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