You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize