there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
