Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
