I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize