I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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