Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
