I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
