question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
