my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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