Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
