the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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