A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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