i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
