I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
