Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize