i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize