my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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