He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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