AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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