Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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