how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
