So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
