That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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