I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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