Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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