never play flip cup with pint glasses
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
